You'll Never Be Mine
by FifiDoll
Summary: Finn is having trouble being without a girlfriend, and Kurt still has feelings for Finn. They start a strange brothers with benefits relationship that breaks Kurt to his core. Puck steps in and tries to fix it all. Very dark fic - you have been warned.


**You'll Never Be Mine  
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It was horrible. Blaine only saw Kurt as a friend, and on top of that his "sexy face" wasn't sexy to Blaine _at all_. Things with Blaine were at an apparent dead end and it depressed Kurt to no end. It made him feel a little better, though, that Finn was having just as much trouble in his relationships. Not that Kurt was vengeful or anything; it just made him feel more normal.

They were lounging around the living room watching some movie Kurt couldn't even identify. Their parents were out of town for the weekend and both of them were moping. Kurt caught himself staring more than once at Finn – he was as handsome as ever. He'd become more muscular and less chubby – his cheeks were flushed a little and when he was upset Kurt wanted nothing more than to cuddle with him. Sure, they were step-brothers, but a little part of that crush will always be there in Kurt. "What's up with you?" he asked softly, noticing Finn's slight scowl.

"Girls," Finn sighed. "You don't want to know."

"Well you need to talk about it," Kurt replied. "It's okay. I promise."

Finn looked at Kurt skeptically for a moment before saying, "Okay, fine. It's kind of stupid, really. Rachel and Quinn are sort of fighting over me, but neither of them is actually _putting out_ and it's really frustrating."

Kurt wanted to laugh, but he knew that for most boys, not getting any was the end of the world. For Kurt, the idea of not even _finding someone_ as the end of the world, and as much as he wanted to make this known to Finn, he couldn't. "Which one do you want?" Kurt asked.

Finn looked at Kurt curiously. Blue eyes met Finn's and Kurt raised his eyebrow. "What?" Finn was confused.

Sighing, Kurt elaborated, "Who do you like more – Quinn or Rachel?"

"I don't know," Finn shrugged. "I mean…Quinn is cool but she's kind of scary and obsessed with becoming prom queen. Rachel's just…Rachel, you know? She's really cool and pretty and doesn't make me feel like an object."

"So…Rachel?"

Finn nodded stupidly and said, "I'm not over her."

"Then why aren't you dating her?" Kurt asked. "I mean, she wants you back, so it's all on you. You're doing this to yourself."

Sighing, Finn said, "It's not that simple. I don't know if I can trust her, and like, Quinn is scary. Like, _really scary_."

He had pretty good reasons, Kurt had to admit. Rachel wasn't the most trustworthy person sometimes, and it was understandable that Finn would be hesitant. It was hard to put your heart out on the line – Kurt had learned that through experience. Kurt stood and left the room and for a minute Finn thought he had said something wrong. Kurt returned a few minutes later, two glasses full of soda in his hands. He held one out to Finn who took it gratefully. He took a sip as Kurt sat down and instantly made a face. "What is this?" he asked, sputtering.

"Rum and coke," Kurt shrugged, taking a drink casually. It was a strange taste, yes, but the guys at Dalton drank it quite often and Kurt had indulged in a glass every now and then. Being a private school kid had its perks, including owning a bottle of rum whenever you wanted to. "It's all I have but it'll take the edge off."

"Your dad's gonna be pissed," Finn warned, taking another sip.

"It's not his," Kurt said simply, chugging half the glass. He'd had a rough week and just wanted to drown it all out. "I got it from some guys at Dalton. Dad doesn't even know about it."

Finn looked impressed at his step-brothers stealth and took another drink. They sat and watched the mindless movie on TV (Transformers, maybe?), all the while their glasses becoming emptier and emptier. Kurt swayed on the spot as he took their glasses to the kitchen for refills, returning a few minutes later with some soda sloshed down the front of his shirt. He hadn't even noticed. They drank those, too, and soon they were a moping pile on the couch, Kurt's head resting on Finn's shoulder. "Blaine doesn't like me," he sighed sadly.

"I wish I wasn't so scared to be with Rachel," Finn complained.

They sat there for a moment, dwelling on their problems, until Kurt sat up straight, fixing a serious stare on his brother. "What if…what if I said I could help you," he slurred.

"How can you do that?" Finn asked stupidly.

If he was clueless when he was sober, he was even worse when he was drunk. Staring at Finn was doing funny things to Kurt's brain and cuddling with him wasn't helping, either. "Come with me," he said lazily, standing from the couch and swaying slightly.

Finn did as he was told without question and they stumbled slowly up the stairs to Kurt's room. Once they were in his room, Finn stood in the doorway while Kurt went to his closet. He emerged a minute later with a dark scarf in hand. He circled Finn, pulling the scarf over his eyes and tying it behind his head. "What are you doing?" Finn asked slowly.

"If I don't talk and you can't see, maybe I'll feel like Rachel," Kurt said sadly, his fingers lightly brushing Finn's.

Finn gasped and Kurt savored the sensations. He was touching Finn. It was a stupid idea and Finn would probably get insanely freaked out, but the alcohol made Kurt not care. He stood in front of Finn, looking up at his blindfolded eyes, and took Finn's hands in his own. Leaning in on his tip-toes, he whispered, "Do I feel like Rachel right now?"

Finn's large hands squeezed Kurt's tighter and he nodded, "Yeah. But uh…what about Blaine?"

"I'll pretend you're him," Kurt lied.

Finn nodded, and with a sad smile, Kurt began stripping them of their clothes. He took his time, touching every inch of Finn's skin like it was glass. Never had Kurt imagined he'd get to touch Finn like this – it was nice, but it broke his heart at the same time. He wouldn't, no _couldn't_ imagine that Finn was Blaine. He wanted Finn for who he was, consequences be damned. What hurt was that Finn had to pretend that Kurt was Rachel just to get it up. Finn's breathing was ragged and the light touches from Kurt were having the right effect, though, and Kurt reached up slowly.

Their lips connected gently, Kurt barely pressing against Finn's for fear of rejection. He didn't pull away, though. Large hands landed on Kurt's hips, holding him tightly. Kurt knew he'd have bruises in the morning but it didn't stop him. He was finally, _finally_ kissing Finn Hudson, the boy of his dreams, his first crush. It would have been amazing if Kurt hadn't been so hurt. He continued pretending to be Rachel, leading Finn over to his bed and awkwardly reaching around his bedside table for his bottle of lube.

They made out for a while, Finn's hands avoiding Kurt's upper body entirely. Kurt needed to be touched, but he didn't want to push it – he figured it was for a reason. If Finn's hands touched his chest, he'd lose the illusion that Kurt was a girl, and that would start a whole freak out Kurt wasn't sure he could handle. It killed Kurt that he'd never be what Finn really wants – just a placeholder for the right girl.

He awkwardly reached around and fingered himself, stretching himself in preparation for Finn. A stray tear slid down his cheek, whether it was from pain or sadness he would never know. Finn moaned as Kurt's other hand stroked him gently, coating him with a thin layer of lube as he did so. Kurt pulled them back on the bed, his legs up near his chest. Shaking hands helped Finn find the right place and slowly, ever so slowly, the taller boy sank inside of Kurt.

Kurt winced as Finn moved faster than he could handle. Much sooner than Kurt anticipated, Finn was balls deep inside of him, stretching him wide. He felt like his whole body was going to split in half; he was _so full_. It felt amazing and he couldn't stop his shaking hands from reaching down and pulling Finn into another kiss. The blindfold tickled Kurt's nose as he kissed Finn, reminding him that this was all just pretend.

Slowly Finn began thrusting; he came in almost no time at all, groaning Rachel's name as he did so. Kurt sighed in disappointment, thinking Finn was going to up and leave, his heart breaking at the sound of someone else's name. Finn didn't move, though. He kept going, moaning as he did so. Kurt let out a small groan as Finn's dick hit that place inside of him that felt so good. Repeatedly Finn thrust, rougher with each move of his hips. "Oh, god…Rachel…" Finn moaned in Kurt's ear.

The pain of Finn's pace combined with the sounds of someone else's name drew tears to Kurt's eyes. Silently little salty rivers flowed down his cheeks as Finn brought him near his edge. Kurt's back arched off the bed and he let out a whimper, white hot liquid splashing onto his stomach. He felt wrong; dirty, for getting off to Finn when he told the other boy he was imagining someone else.

Kurt's body was sensitive and a little bit sore now that he was coming down from his orgasm, but Finn kept going. "Ungh…Rachel…" Finn said, a little louder that time.

Tears kept streaming down Kurt's face as he felt Finn filling him again, moaning Rachel's name in his ear. Finn planted a small kiss on Kurt's lips and climbed off of the bed. Kurt buried himself in his blankets, his body a mess. He frantically tried to wipe the tears from his face as Finn slowly gathered the courage to remove the scarf from over his eyes. When he did so, he looked at Kurt's flushed face for a moment before his face turned beet red as well. "Thanks," he choked out softly before gathering his clothes and leaving.

As the door slammed shut behind his step-brother, Kurt rolled over and buried his face in the pillows, sobs shaking his entire body. He cried himself to sleep that night, all thoughts of putting clothes on or doing his moisturizing routine forgotten. Instead he thought about Finn; how _amazing_ he'd felt inside of him, how _gentle_ he'd been, for the most part. It felt like they were made for each other, but they weren't – it was unnatural for Finn to think of Kurt in that way. What they did had felt good, and that was all there was to it, for Finn at least.

For Kurt, things were different. His dad had been right – sex had done something to him. It made him feel like a new person – it made him feel things, stronger things. Every inch of skin Finn touched on Kurt _burned_ – it had been so amazing. It killed Kurt that he could never _actually_ have something like that. It was all just a farce; something to take the place of _real _feelings.

Sleep didn't come easy to Kurt that night, and the rest of the weekend he moped around the house, using excuses like homework to hide away without suspicion. Things seemed to be returning to normal; he and Finn didn't talk about that night (or even acknowledge it, for that matter).

Everything changed one day after school. Kurt's dad was out in the garage working and Finn's mom was still at work. They had the house to themselves and Kurt fully intended on hiding from his step-brother. When he heard a knock at his door, his stomach sank. "Y…yeah?" he asked nervously.

Finn poked his head in, looking just as nervous as Kurt felt. "I uh…I need a favor," Finn said, walking into the room and closing the door behind him.

"What's up?" Kurt asked.

Finn sat on the end of Kurt's bed and explained, "Well, Rachel kind of – she keeps acting weird. I know I'm with Quinn but I can't get her out of my mind."

"What am I supposed to do about that?"

Sighing, Finn said, "Well, last time we uh…you pretended to be her…I didn't think about her as much. I just want to get her off my mind."

Kurt sighed and looked at his brother, his expression blank. Finn looked at him with pleading eyes. He was sober this time – things could go completely awry if Kurt wasn't careful. "I…" he trailed off, about to tell Finn no. The kicked puppy look he received made him change his mind mid-sentence. "Fine. We have to make it quick, though."

And that's how it went. Whenever Finn needed to get Rachel off of his mind, he'd go to Kurt. All Kurt wanted was to make Finn happy, however he could, so he obliged. Every time hurt just as much – Finn would moan Rachel's name as he came, Kurt would cry throughout the sex no matter how good it was. It broke his heart and wore down his emotions. By the end of the school year Kurt barely spoke – a few people in the glee club began to worry about him. Finn saw nothing wrong with what was happening and got defensive every time Puck would ask why he wasn't trying to fix it. "I don't know what his problem is!" Finn would shout.

"You're his step-brother!" Puck would always shout back. "Help him!"

They'd argue every time Puck was over at the Hudmel house. Being across the hall from Finn's room, Kurt could hear everything they said. He sighed, feeling sorry for getting Finn into situations like that. He was just trying to help – he didn't know why Puck was worrying. Sure, Kurt's heart was broken beyond repair and he wasn't as happy as he used to be, but he wasn't _depressed _or anything. Just quiet. Pensive.

One day in June, instead of saying he didn't know what was wrong, Finn shot, "Go ask him if you care so much!"

"I will!" Puck shouted, storming out of Finn's room and across the hall.

He bounded into Kurt's room without even knocking, but Kurt knew he was coming anyway. He heard everything, like usual. Slamming the door behind him, Puck walked in and sat on the edge of Kurt's bed, watching the boy as he brooded over a book at his desk. "I'm fine," Kurt said firmly.

"Don't lie to me, Hummel."

Sighing, Kurt turned and looked into Puck's eyes. His face was weathered and devoid of all emotion. "I'm not lying," he said simply.

Puck narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to figure out what's going on with you," he said. "I'll fix it."

Kurt let out a disbelieving laugh and said, "Whatever you say."

Puck glared at Kurt for not having more faith in him, but left without another word. Finn didn't come back for a while after that. It was almost the end of the summer (after Burt had saved up enough to take Carole on a honeymoon when Kurt announced he'd be returning to McKinley) before Finn came back. When he did, they got right to it. Words didn't even need to be spoken anymore. Finn would walk in and take the scarf from the closet. Kurt would just sit on his bed and let it happen. It was nice to be touched, to feel Finn inside of him, and even though his heart was breaking, Kurt never stopped.

Except when his bedroom door flew open to reveal Noah Puckerman gaping at them with wide eyes. "What the fuck!" he asked.

He spotted Kurt's tears immediately and rushed forward to pull Finn away, yanking the blindfold off as he did so. "You fucking rape your brother!" he shouted.

Finn flushed and looked at Kurt angrily. "It's not rape," Kurt said softly.

"Yeah, we've been doing this for months," Finn added lamely. "He's totally cool with it."

"Apparently not, dumbass," Puck shot, pushing Finn off the bed and away from Kurt.

"Stop it, Puck," Kurt demanded, pulling the blankets up over his body, hiding himself from view. "I'm fine."

Finn left the room without a look back, embarrassed and furious. The door slammed across the hall and Kurt winced. "What the fuck is going on, Kurt?" Puck asked sitting at the end of his bed.

Wiping a tear away, Kurt began to explain the whole situation. How it started, why Finn kept coming back. "Why do you let him, though?" Puck pressed gently.

Sadly, Kurt looked away to the floor and said, "Because I think I still love him."

"That's not it," Puck shook his head. "If that's all this was, you'd feel better."

Kurt sighed and shouted, "Then I don't know! Maybe I'm tired of nobody liking me for who I am! Maybe I just want to be wanted for once! For somebody to _care_ about me!"

He had snapped and Puck knew it. But the truth was coming out, the frustration was being expressed. Puck sat and listened as Kurt shouted on and on. "I'm so sick and tired of everyone being happy but me!" he shrieked, tears falling from his eyes again. "I just wanted somebody to want me! Finn did, even if it was for a horrible reason. Everyone is happy without me and nobody wants me and I'm sick and tired of it! I just…" Kurt broke; his voice softened and he curled his knees up to his chest. "I just wanted to feel normal…"

"People care about you, Kurt," Puck said simply. "All of us in glee club do. So does your family. And I'm sure some of the guys at that fancy private school you go to still care about you too."

"Then why are _you_ the only one that noticed," Kurt shot bitterly.

Puck sighed. "Everyone noticed, but they were afraid to talk to you," he admitted. "They didn't know what was going on or if you'd even tell us. You didn't exactly reveal every detail about the Karofsky mess, you know."

Kurt didn't speak. Tears streamed down his face but he didn't feel a single one. "You'll find someone," Puck said. "It took me until now to realize that I don't need some chick that puts out all the time. I'm happy with Lauren. Real shit like this takes time."

"It's easy for you, you're straight," Kurt said.

"You're right," Puck admitted. "Which is why you really gotta understand that this is gonna take time. You're gonna have to get out of this shit town before you ever find someone, but maybe that's for the better. It means you're gonna get out of here and make a name for yourself unlike the rest of us."

Kurt looked up at Puck with watery eyes. "You really think I can do that?" he asked softly

"We all do," Puck nodded earnestly.

Kurt let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Don't let Hudson do that shit to you again, got it? No matter how much you think you want it or need it," Puck said firmly. "He needs to fix his own problems without bringing you into it."

Puck stood and made his way towards Kurt's bedroom door. "One more thing," he said, standing in the doorway. Kurt watched him nervously. "Promise me that you'll start talking to us again. Mercedes misses you like _hell_ man, and you're a cool guy and can hang out with me and the guys if you want."

Kurt couldn't help but wonder if it was all just bullshit to get him out of this funk he was in, but the expression on Puck's face told him differently. He looked _genuine_, something rarely seen on Noah Puckerman's face. Nodding, Kurt said weakly, "I promise."


End file.
